Not 'I Love You', but
by Tabi
Summary: Gateau muses on his and Marron's relationship. It's all very well, but there's just one thing Marron won't say...


~_Not 'I Love You', But..._~

You're quiet, and I don't want to disturb you... but I want you to notice me... ah, it can wait. You're working on something, it's quiet, we don't have any missions, we never get time to ourselves. You're a quiet person, so I'm sure you appreciate the quiet, the peace...

Carrot and the others don't seem to care. Whether they're on a mission or not, they're always running around, creating noise, chasing each other around... well, that's them. Chocolat and Tira love Carrot, Carrot wants only to get away from them... they can be amusing to watch, but you just sigh and look away. Your brother really can be stupid, can't he? I suppose he's just scared, too. We talked about it once or twice, you and I... could he really chose between them? Would one let him choose the other? Myself, I'd hate to be Carrot in such a situation. Chocolat and Tira are beautiful, but deadly... I'd hate to be caught between them...

I don't have to be, though. They know who they love... so do I.

We talked about that, didn't we? Talked about your brother, the Misu sisters... that was a quiet time, too... we sat quietly... you sat close to me, and... we were just able to _talk_... nothing special, but times like that warm my heart...

I know who I love. You know who I love too, don't you? On so many levels, Marron, I love _you... and you know that. You know because I told you. Unsure, but accepting... like a weight had been lifted from me, you smiled at me... and I knew that, even though you were unsure... that was the beginning._

Marron...

I love the way you look. Of course I do, you'd have to be mad not to... those stunning looks were what attracted me in the first place, and I still feel slightly awe-inspired whenever I look at you... how can one person be that beautiful? How can one person be that perfect? How can that one person come to see _me in the same way?_

... I don't know quite if you feel the same way, but... you're willing to accept my feelings, and respond to them. We'll make it up as we go on, I guess.

Still, more than that, more than how he looks... I can't even describe it, it's just... _him... I flirt with him, and he gets flustered, but... I know he's not too keen on things like that. If he has feelings, he'd rather keep them quietly to himself. It embarrasses him, and I shouldn't do it, really. I can't help it, though... force of habit. Besides, what am I supposed to do, go strip for Carrot, or something? I don't think either Carrot or Marron'd like that, somehow._

No, but... when we're alone, it's a little different. When the others aren't around, he doesn't mind if I hold him. And he blushes if I say he's beautiful... but he doesn't hit me away for it.

If I say 'I love you', he blushes deeper. He looks away, stuttering... it's true, I love him. He doesn't seem to know how to react to _that_... seems that 'I love you' is something more than _he can say, but... somewhere, somehow, he has feelings of some kind for me, whatever they are..._

I think he worries in case his brother finds out. I don't know _how_ Carrot'd react, myself... I mean, he gets all pissy at Milphey for hitting on him, but I think Carrot has suspicions about his brother, and I don't think it'd serve as too much of a shock if Marron stood in front of him and went "Niisan, I'm gay."...

Well, something like that. Marron insists to me that he's not gay. The one disagreement we had about that, I just laughed and knocked him on the shoulder, teased him for saying that, "In that case, that was a pretty weird reaction you had last night...", he just looked away, telling me that he didn't purposefully look for male company. He sounded almost angry, that time... like it wasn't any choice of his...

I'd quietened at that point, once I thought about that.

Was he really so angry about that? I'd reached for him, held him gently... he hadn't argued. I whispered to him, asked him if he really minded the things we did, even if we did them in private... he closed his eyes, shook his head. No, he didn't mind. Then why did he seem so angry about that? ... He didn't know. He didn't know what he felt.

He still looked up and kissed me, though. Unsure emotion in his eyes, and a kiss that spoke the words that his voice couldn't. Arms around my neck, and his body so close to mine, so _warm_... and his voice, trembling like that as he turned over in my arms, "_I don't know what I feel... but I know what I want..._"

Leaning against the doorframe, you still don't notice me. I smile as I remember that time, that one time in a sea of memories.

That time... you and I never really argued, not outside the light bickering of "Don't flirt with me in front of my brother" and everything... but it still seemed like you had something you wanted to make up for, _that_ time.

I'm always in awe of his beauty, even when we're just walking from here to there, when we're on a mission... when he's in a mission, and he's so intense...

I love his intensity in another situation, though.

So intense... I'd just smirked up at him, still teasing. He knew what he wanted, did he? Sitting back like that, him sat on my lap... I'd say I knew what he wanted, too. But why not tease it out of him, loosen him up just a little?

Lithe hands pulling away at my jacket, tugging at my shirt... me just laughing, holding him around his hips, "_Hey, what are you trying to do to me_?"

Marron almost snarled, telling me not to act so innocently.

Seeing how far I could go, I let his hands push me down. I still laughed, "_I'm not acting innocent!"... my humour wasn't reflected in his eyes... almost frantically, he pulled my shirt from my chest... from where we'd moved, he'd gone from sitting in my lap to straddling further up... oh, so painfully obvious, the things he wanted. I knew what he wanted and he knew I knew too, but I like to play with him, tease him just a __little._

At him taking my shirt away, I leant my hands behind my head. "_If you wanted to look at me, you need only ask, Marron-chan."_

Somehow, that made him... more intense. I'd say 'angry', but... if he was angry, that was a damn weird way of showing that anger. He kissed me almost brutally, his hair falling around him, trailing against my skin... so soft, almost tickling... then he pulled away, "_Be quiet... you KNOW I don't like it when you call me that..._"

Marron doesn't seem to be one for pet names. Oh, he left himself wide open with _that one..._

Reaching up to help him with _his_ clothes, I kiss him gently, his neck, his chin, his jaw... nibbling softly at his ears, enough to make him moan... holding him around his waist, we rolled over so we were side-by-side. He looked up at me, momentarily speechless. And I smiled across at him, "_So what DO you want me to call you?"_

Kisses became more feral, "_... You want me to call you master? Marron-chan wants to tie me up and hurt me a bit?_"

He spoke in his usual dismissive "Don't flirt with me like that" way, but I could hear the desire there too, the current of need that fuelled him, "_Gateau... Gateau, be quiet..."_

Pressing him against the bed, "_Obviously I've made you angry, so why don't you punish me a bit, huh? Get out the whips and the leather, strap me down... doesn't Marron-chan want to be a big bad dominatrix? Marron Misu, huh?_"

Working his robe away from him just as much as I was, "_Shut up, don't speak like that..._"

"_Should I call you my Lord, instead? My Lord, Marron Glacé... should I worship you, like an emperor?"_

Kisses to his nipples that made him cry out. I'd worship him anyway, whatever I call him... his arms around my neck, pressing his chest closer to my face.

"_Don't talk so frivolously... AH..."_

I love it when he does that. See, he's a bit sensitive like that. Teeth add nipples equals reaction. So I work on him a little more, coaxing him on just a bit more... make him tell me what he wants...

"_What should I call you, then? My fluffy wuffy darling ickle snugglywuggly bunniekins?"_

Okay, so he slapped me for _that_ one. Maybe I deserved that.

"_Ahaha, so you DO want to punish me?"_

"_Gateau, I don't want to punish you, why do you keep on like that?"_

Me above him, still pressing him to the bed... then I pulled back, just _looking at him, staring him in the eye... looking at him as he is now, remembering him as he was then... well, always beautiful. The blush that spilt over his usually pale cheeks, staining him... his chest rising and falling quickly alongside his heightened breathing... those dark eyes just __staring back at mine... damn, but I'm lucky. All I could think just then was how much I loved him, how much I loved everything about him... how could anybody _not_ love him!? He's perfect in every way! And, at the back of my mind, of course... remembering that, having him below me, him wanting me, me wanting him... at that moment, he was nobody else's but _mine_._

"... _I just want to know what you WANT, Marron..."_

Looking up at me with emotions that blazed. We both knew what we both wanted, we were just performing the unspoken ritual on a stage only for each other... he held my chin between his thumb and forefinger, fingers running up my cheek... I placed my own hand over his, such delicate, wonderful hands! Oh, and the things he can _do with those hands... he leant up to kiss me once more, just gently... and his voice, so quiet, almost inaudible... but I heard it._

"_I want, Gateau... for you to take me..."_

We both knew it, of course. Just him _saying_ it opened the floodgates for all out emotions... nothing more was spoken, but nothing more really needed to be said, not really... I didn't tease him any longer, though. He said what he wanted, he wanted for me to take him, so... what more could I do? I took him, and damn, it was good.

Teasing him always makes him that little bit more frustrated. When he knows I know what he wants, but I won't give it to him... frustration turns into need, and he turns into something possessed, I swear... I give it as good as I can, but _damn... when I saw him for the first time, on that mission against the Crystal Sorcerers, I never expected - how could I have done? - that he'd be such an energetic lover... the way his hands press against my shoulders, the way his fingers drag down my skin... it doesn't _really_ hurt. I don't mind it, anyway. Even if he _does_ leave visible marks, I don't mind. He's Marron, he's my lover, he can do that kind of thing if he wants to. Marking me as his, heh._

Still, his snarls, his growls, his moans, his cries... I swear to god, one day we're gonna be at it and we'll have Carrot and the Misu sisters come in wondering what the hell's going on, what kind of animal we've dragged in to sacrifice from the comfort of our bedroom... I'm surprised it hasn't happened already. They've _got to realise what's going on, honestly..._

So, he turns into a bit of an animal when we're alone like that. I don't try to tame him, I just go along with his animalistic needs, and grant him what he wants. Marron-chan's always so quiet and reserved, surely he needs some kind of release, right? If I'm that release for him, I don't mind. Even if he _does find it hard to say 'I love you', he doesn't find it hard to say 'I want you, take me', so... well, whatever he wants._

I decide to make my entrance, walking in.

"Hey, Marron."

He looks up, disturbed from whatever it was he'd been doing. He shuffles something papery as he looks up, seems like he's sorting out some more of those ofuda, or something.

"Hm? Oh, Gateau."

I smile, he goes back to the papers. Am I not deserving of a better greeting? I walk up behind him, then hold him tightly from behind. A few ofuda flutter to the ground, disturbed from his hand.

"Come on, don't I even get a 'hello' or anything?" I put on a note of mock sadness, "Do I really mean that little to my dearest darling Marron-chan?"

Using that name _always sets him off. I feel him tense in my embrace, "And _what_ have I told you _before_ about calling me that?!"_

"Yeah, yeah, you don't need any titles, right? It's cute, though. _You're cute. You're beautiful! And it's a lovely day, so how come you're inside makin' more ofuda? Can't that wait?"_

"I need to be prepared for battle, Gateau. There's nothing achieved by putting this off until later..."

"Oh, come on. Can't I spend time with you while the others are out down the town?"

He pauses, then looks up at me. "They went?"

"Yeah, I saw them heading off with Milphey and Eclair a little earlier... didn't you know?"

At saying that, something seems to change with him. He throws me a despairing look as he stands up, runs a hand through his hair, and picks up the ofuda that fell. He sighs short-temperedly as he looks up again, "Why didn't you _tell me?"_

"Hey, I thought you already knew! If you could fix up a Niisan Radar Service, you _would..."_

He's already leaving the room. I look across at him, a little confused.

"Marron? Where ya going?" Maybe to go after his brother, sometimes he does that...

Stopping at the doorframe, he glances over his shoulder at me. And I _know that, this time, he's not going after his brother. Those deep, beautiful, wonderful eyes... and that _look_... the "Take me now and pound me into the bed and make me scream your name until my throat hurts" look... or maybe that's just me. Still, he wants me, I know _that_ much. But where's he going?_

He doesn't quite smirk, but the look in his eyes says enough.

"I'll be waiting for you on _your_ bed, Gateau. I wouldn't like to risk my brother finding us..."

I fold my arms, "What, and my sister finding us is better than that?"... but he's already gone.

I stand in the room for a few moments. If he's gonna be waiting for me, then I might as well give him a little time to wait, right? I stand by the window, looking out on the capital. Actually, I don't know _where_ the others are, I think I saw them out in the gardens quarter of an hour ago, but if it makes Marron more comfortable to think they're not around, I'll let him think that. It can be like another kind of teasing, and if the worst comes to the worst, I'll just deny the hell out of it...

Ah, forget it. He's waiting for me, I won't make him wait any longer. I sneak out of his bedroom, closing the door, wondering just _how_ he'll be waiting for me. The thought of him naked on the bed already is a nice one... or maybe he'll steal some of Tira's props to use... for all the teasing, he's not too adverse to a little of that himself, though he'd kill me if I mentioned it to anybody at all...

Whatever it is, I'll enjoy it. Because it's _him_. Because I love him, however he feels about the matter... maybe I could feel empty, that we have the greatest sex, but he still can't bring himself to tell his brother about his boyfriend, but... however long it takes, I don't mind. If he's shy like that, I'll wait for him to gain his confidence...

Or just wait for Carrot to walk in on us one time, either way. Whichever works.

~End~

Oct 31st 2003

Yay, random Gaterron which doesn't end all with Gateau all heartbroken and angsty because Marron's run off with his brother ^_^;;. I have a habit of doing that, me bad. Anyway, I was trawling Fanfiction.net, found a couple of Gaterron fics, came back to my own writing, and thought "Why don't I write some Gaterron?", heh. God knows, it's rare for me *feels a little bad*... but is squishy, isn't it? ^_^

~Tabi~


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